Seems this video is making the rounds. It’s a message about how phones and social media are bad and you should feel bad for enjoying them.
Obviously the video is being shared by loads of people on a social media site
And then they tell others to drop everything
Look at the shitty vid
And share it with everyone else
Because you know, self-righteous bullshit advice often comes with a healthy slice of hypocrisy.
For people who don’t want to sit through the five minutes of footage of people looking at cellphones while a man in a brown sweater is reciting poetry, here’s the basic gist:
"Please, teenagers, look up from your phone
You may have 500 friends but you’re all alone”
This is inspirational? This deserves sharing? This is the fucking mindbreaking revelation video that leaves people shocked and awed?
Every two-bit cunt newspaper writer in the trend section, nay, the fucking “funnies” section, can tell you are people and they tend to look at their phones a lot.
This is not news. It is not some sort of eye-opening shocking twist at the end of a movie where it turns out we’re all robots.
And the “what-if” scenario. Oh my fucking god the what-if scenario. Look, this man asked for directions and so he met a girl and they get a kid and now he’s a grandfather and shit and now he’s truly happy because this is what every person wants.
Oh look, there’s the same scene but now he’s checking his phone for directions like a fucking smart person would do. And oh no, the girl walks by and he never gets to ask her how to get to the penny farthing store or whatever ass-backward places people without phones go to.
Hahaha, everyone look at that pathetic virgin with his phone. He spent too much time looking at Google maps and now he will die alone.
Lessons to be learned: bitches love men who can’t be contacted by conventional means. Knowing directions or properly writing them down will cause you to die alone. If you ask a girl for directions, there’s a chance you will father her children even though there are almost no scenarios in which this would be a likely result.
Another thing, the friendly brown-sweatered man who hates it when other people have fun is saying he can’t stand the silence of a train in which no one talks to one another.
First of all:
FUCK PEOPLE TALKING ON THE TRAIN.
I ride the train up and down every day, and there is nothing more annoying than a group of people having an animated loud discussion about some horribly offensive topic and cackling at dumb jokes ever two minutes while the creepy person who came to sit next to you is blocking you from leaving the noise.
The only thing that’s worse than that is when that creepy stranger starts bitching this self-righteous speech about social media.
And have you noticed how no one fucking complains about people reading books on the train? Apparently, minding your own business and looking at your phone is disgusting antisocial behavior but minding your own business and reading Huckleberry Finn like a good-old fashioned sport is fan-nipplefucking-tastic and more people should do it or something.
Well, fuck you, brown sweater man. Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do in my own spare time. I don’t want to turn off my phone and talk to you because you fucking bore the shit out of me and I would rather spend my entire life alone +liking cat videos than to spend one minute listening to your holier-than-thou bullshit.
Why do people even listen to this clown? There is no foundation to anything he says.
He offers no scientific research or valid reasons to stop using smartphones.
He just has kind of a catchy rhyme scheme.
You know who else has a moral message about the dangers of new things with a catchy rhyme scheme?
The Music Man. And let me tell you friends, you’ve got trouble.
Right here in River City
With a capital P
and that rhymes with C
And it stands for cunt.
Because that’s what this guy is. A total cunt.
Thanks for reading.